Rating: Hard R? You choose.
Summary: Matt has an abusive boyfriend of four years. Matt meets Jeremiah and they sneak behind Matt’s boyfriend’s back. Bad things happen.
Author’s Notes: This is a death fic, I guess. Neither Matt nor Jeremiah dies, but another character does – character to be revealed later in the story. Okay, so it isn’t a death fic... It’s just... someone dies? Yeah. Haha. (Name taken from www.asofterworld.com.)
Brushing his fingers over Matt’s arm, Jeremiah whispers it’s okay and kisses his cheek lightly. Matt shakes his head and turns to look at Jeremiah, his eyes watery and his cheeks wet. Jeremiah smiles sadly, his hand on Matt’s cheek, bringing him closer to Jeremiah. He pulls Matt closer, touching their lips together lightly. Matt smiles and wraps his arms around Jeremiah’s waist, telling him it will be okay this time.
“You just gotta fight back, Matt. I’ll be there to catch you; I promise.”
Jeremiah lays out flat on the floor of Matt’s living room, pulling Matt down with him. Matt smiles and kisses Jeremiah’s neck, sitting himself up on his knees, straddling Jeremiah’s hips. He leans down and connects his lips to Jeremiah’s cheek, whispering something incoherent. Wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist, Jeremiah tugs Matt down so he’s lying on top of him. He smiles and licks Matt’s nose playfully.
“Mm. Matt, how long have I known you?”
Matt scrunches his nose up, eyebrows furrowing together, “a long ass time?” Matt smirks and ruffles Jeremiah’s hair.
“Eight months, Matt. I’ve known you for eight months…” Jeremiah whispers in Matt’s ear, making Matt shiver. Jeremiah sighs and hugs Matt tightly, ignoring the whimper escaping Matt’s lips. “Doesn’t your boyfriend come back tonight?”
“Shit, fuck yes he does. Why’d you have to remind me?” Matt closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly. “We don’t have to be here when he comes back… I don’t care if he fucking… like… tries to hurt me, Jere, I want…” Matt sits back up on Jeremiah’s hips and Jeremiah rests his upper body on his elbows. Matt shakes his head, running his hands up and down Jeremiah’s chest and stomach. Jeremiah sits up fully, reaching a hand out to touch Matt’s neck. “I want to stay with you and… be with you…” Matt scratches his head and stands up, turning to walk away. “But I don’t want to die…”
Jeremiah shakes his head and falls back against the carpet. Matt walks to the front door, opening it up and forcing a smile when he sees Damien standing there, an awkward grin on his face. Damien leans forward, telling Matt he missed him, kissing him lightly. Matt mumbles that he missed him, too, but doesn’t kiss him back. Damien shakes his head and pushes past Matt into the foyer of their house. Jeremiah groans and scoots back, so his back his pressed against the couch.
“Damien, this is… Jeremiah,” Matt points at Jeremiah awkwardly. “He’s, a, uh, friend. Nothing to worry about…” Damien looks around the corner, eyes widening when he sees Jeremiah sitting calmly on the floor.
“Yeah, there shouldn’t be anything to worry about,” Damien smirks and reaches for Matt’s upper arm, tugging him close and making Matt whimper, “because this bastard won’t come back, Matty. Isn’t that right?”
“Well, no, actually—“
“What the fuck was that?”
Matt mumbles yes, his chin falling to rest on his chest. Damien smiles and pushes Matt backwards, making him stumble against Jeremiah, who’s now standing behind Matt. “I told you I’d catch you,” Jeremiah whispers and steals a kiss from Matt’s lips when Damien turns to walk up the stairs.
Jeremiah’s lips kiss down Matt’s bare chest, making Matt shiver. Matt threads his fingers through Jeremiah’s hair, moaning when Jeremiah sucks on a piece of skin at the top of his pants. He arches his back, pulling Jeremiah up on top of him, lips brushing together lightly. Jeremiah smiles and traces Matt’s bottom lip with his tongue, cooing and telling him it’s okay. He sits on Matt’s hips, running his hands up and down Matt’s chest.
“Matty, do you think he loves you?” Jeremiah asks, holding back a moan as Matt rolls his hips upwards against Jeremiah’s throbbing dick, creating friction that’s almost unbearable to Jeremiah’s wants.
Matt shakes his head quickly and asks what Jeremiah meant. Jeremiah smiles and presses down on Matt’s ribs with his hands, making Matt whimper. “I… think he loves me, Jere. I really think Damien does, but it’s like… yeah…” Matt trails off, his eyes clouding over. Matt sighs and pushes Jeremiah off his legs, sitting up and resting his upper body on his elbows. “Why?”
“Do you think he loves you like I do?”
Smiling, Matt turns around in Jeremiah’s arms and wraps his around Jeremiah’s waist, pulling him closer and kissing him. “Jeremiah, I love you so much,” Matt whispers and closes his eyes, resting his head on Jeremiah’s shoulder, burying his face in his neck. Matt smiles and kisses his neck, running his hands down Jeremiah’s sides and resting them lightly on his hips.
“I know you do, Matty.”
“Uh huh. You sure do. You fucking love that bastard, don’t you, Matty?” Damien screams and pulls Matt backwards, making him land on the hardwood floor. Matt gasps on the floor, the fall knocking the breath out of him. Damien hovers over Matt, standing on Matt’s hands, making Matt scream with pain. Damien laughs and presses his foot on Matt’s chest, smirking while he writhes in pain under him.
Matt looks at Jeremiah who is standing beside Damien, hands clenched into fists at his sides. Jeremiah smiles at Matt and Matt frowns, his face growing dark and leaving it unreadable. Damien kicks Matt’s side, making him cry out in pain, making Jeremiah yell and shove Damien to the side, knocking him into the wall.
“Fuck you, Damien,” Jeremiah snaps. Matt whines and sits upright against the front door, telling Jeremiah to stop. Matt pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around his knees, burying his face into his arms. “Get the fuck away from him.”
“Jeremiah,” Matt pleads, his eyes watering as he watches him yell at Damien, unsure of how Damien will react. “Oh, god, Jere, please stop…” Fat, wet tears roll down Matt’s cheek and collect on his sleeve. Matt shakes his head, running the back of his hand across his cheek and sighing heavily.
Jeremiah looks down at Matt and he falls to his knees, wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist and kissing his cheek softly. “Matty,” he breathes, his anger fading into regret as he kisses Matt’s lips and neck softly.
Damien stands, swaying a little, his eyes glazing over. His lips stay at a frown, his fingers twitching against his thighs. He sighs and shakes his head and steps back again. Damien’s bright blue eyes now look a dull shade of grey, the fire and spunk leaving his eyes. Damien chews on the inside of his mouth, forming words in his head to retaliate with.
“Fuck you, too Jeremiah,” Damien hisses, face red from anger, “and Matt, I’m fucking tired of your pissing and moaning and how you’re an ungrateful little prick. Get the hell away from here.” Matt raises an eyebrow and Damien glares, pointing towards the door.
Matt smiles and turns to face Jeremiah, burying his face in Jeremiah’s neck. “I love you, Jere, I really do.” He traces his lips over Jeremiah’s warm neck, pulling the fabric of his shirt down a little and sucking on the skin lightly. Matt nuzzles his face into Jeremiah’s neck, licking at his skin lightly and saying ‘thank you’ repeatedly.
Damien shakes his head and kicks Matt one last time before mumbling ‘get the fuck out of here’ and collapsing to a heap of himself the floor against the wall. Jeremiah wraps his arms around Matt’s chest, standing up and pulling Matt with him. Jeremiah smiles and hugs Matt lightly, brushing his lips across Matt’s cheek.
“I love you, too, Matt, even though it doesn’t seem like it,” Damien whispers. Matt looks at Damien, then back at Jeremiah and Jeremiah smiles, pushing him forward a little. Matt hesitates and makes a whining noise before crouching down beside Damien, wrapping his arms around his waist.
“I’m sorry, Di. I… I’m just tired of… this. Of you,” Matt sucks in his breath when he feels Damien’s mouth on his arm, sucking on the skin lightly. “I really am sorry, Di. Don’t hate me too much?” Matt smirks and places his hand under Damien’s chin, lifting his face up and pecking his lips. Damien smiles sadly and pulls Matt back in for another kiss.
Damien stands up, his eyes are so lifeless and he steps forward, pulling Matt into a hug. Jeremiah glares and Matt hugs back, sighing when he feels the familiar soft touches of Damien’s that glide so easily across Matt’s back. Damien tightens his grip around Matt’s waist, kissing his neck lightly before pulling away. He touches Matt’s cheek softly and nods, smiling sadly when Matt steps away and turns to Jeremiah.
Jeremiah pulls Matt towards him, hugging him from behind and burying his face in Matt’s neck. “Bye, Di. I’ll miss you,” Matt frowns, stuffing his hands in his pockets as Jeremiah’s hands slide up and down Matt’s chest and stomach.
Damien raises an arm to wave goodbye as Jeremiah and Matt walk out, their backs to him.
Matt smiles, turning over onto his back as he feels Jeremiah’s fingers trailing over his arm and neck. He yawns, leaning up and kissing Jeremiah quickly before pulling Jeremiah on top of him. “Thank you so fucking much, Jere,”
Smiling, Jeremiah presses his hips down against Matt’s hips, enjoying the feeling of their naked bodies pressed together for the millionth time that year. His lips connect with Matt’s neck, licking at the saltiness and sucking lightly. Matt moans, gripping Jeremiah’s hips and pinching the skin in between his fingers, making Jeremiah grimace. He takes a hold of Matt’s skin in between his teeth, worrying it and smiling into the reddened skin when he hears Matt purr with pleasure.
Matt moves his hands to Jeremiah’s back, rubbing lightly and running his fingers up and down his spine. Moaning softly, Matt moves his fingers under Jeremiah’s chin, lifting his head and kissing Jeremiah softly. Matt smiles and deepens the kiss, moving his hands to back of Jeremiah’s neck. He tugs on the hair at the nape of Jeremiah’s neck, making Jeremiah moan and sit up, straddling Matt’s hips.
Jeremiah smiles down at Matt, running his hands over Matt’s bare chest and pressing his hips down and moving them a little over Matt’s hips, creating friction that’s getting them both extremely hard. Matt gasps and grabs Jeremiah’s face, pulling Jeremiah back down on top of him.
Smiling, Jeremiah strokes Matt’s cheek lightly with the pads of his fingers, licking his lips and rocking his hips down. Matt presses their foreheads together and whimpers when Jeremiah grinds his hips down harder against Matt’s aching hard on. “Uhn, god, fuck,” Matt whimpers, involuntarily jerking his hips upwards. Jeremiah smirks and sits on Matt’s hips, running his hands lightly down Matt’s side and resting them under his belly button.
Jeremiah pauses and forces a smile while Matt rubs his hips, trying so hard not to jerk Jeremiah off. Jeremiah’s eyes glaze over while he rubs Matt’s stomach and he swallows, shaking his head when Matt’s fingers brush against his dick.
Matt growls, unaware that Jeremiah’s tracing Matt’s scars that coat his torso. He jerks his hips up, trying to get Jeremiah’s attention, but to no avail. Jeremiah sighs and lies down behind Matt, locking his knees behind him, suddenly losing his arousal from the thought of someone hurting Matt – emotionally and physically.
He wraps his arm around Matt’s waist, hugging him tightly and pulling Matt’s warm body against his. Jeremiah moves his hand lower on Matt’s torso, puling softly as Matt pushes his hips against Jeremiah’s body. “Fuck, what’s that for?” Matt whispers and tilts his head back, placing his hands on Jeremiah’s and leading them down lower on his abdomen.
Jeremiah shakes his head and pulls his hand away, placing it on Matt’s shoulder and rubbing his upper arm softly. “No, Matty, I’m not in the mood,” Jeremiah tenderly kisses Matt on the back of his neck, sighing softly when he gets a low moan from Matt.
Matt whines and pushes his hips harder against Jeremiah, grabbing Jeremiah’s hand and leading to his aching hard on. “I need a fix so bad, Jere.”
Jeremiah smiles and bites Matt’s shoulder, licking the skin while ghosting his fingers over Matt’s dick. Matt arches his back, letting out a strangled moan. “Hurry…” Matt gasps, turning over to face Jeremiah, “hurry the fuck up and get me off already.” Matt arches his head back as Jeremiah grasps his dick, moving his hand up and down slowly before stopping to run his forefinger up and down the underside.
Matt growls, biting Jeremiah’s cheek. Jeremiah smirks and holds onto Matt’s dick and he connects their lips, kissing Matt hard. Jeremiah sits up, grabbing Matt’s hands and pulling him up. He grips Matt’s dick, holding tightly and kissing Matt hard, the other arm wrapped around Matt’s waist. Matt whimpers as Jeremiah sucks in his bottom lip, biting on it softly and worrying it between his teeth.
Jeremiah smirks, leaning forward and resting his head on Matt’s shoulder, starting to move his hand up and down Matt’s length. Matt moans, arching his back and jerking his hips against Jeremiah’s touches. Jeremiah kisses Matt’s collarbone, taking some of the skin into his mouth and sucking lightly.
Matt gasps as Jeremiah picks up his speed and he wraps his arms around Jeremiah’s shoulders, moaning and whimpering. Matt turns his head, kissing Jeremiah’s neck and moving his mouth across his jaw line. Jeremiah moans and twists his palm over Matt’s head, moving his hand down to the base, spreading Matt’s pre come along his dick.
Matt gasps, moaning Jeremiah’s name as he comes hard, warm and sticky into Jeremiah’s hand. He sighs and wraps his arms around Jeremiah’s shoulders, hugging him tightly and panting. Jeremiah smiles, pressing his lips against Matt’s while ‘fixing’ himself, using Matt’s come as a lubricant.
Jeremiah wipes his hand on the bed sheets and lies on his back, pulling Matt down beside him. “Matty,” Jeremiah whispers and closes his eyes, pulling the sheet on top of him and Matt. Matt curls against Jeremiah’s side, wrapping an arm around his waist. He kisses Jeremiah’s chest and draws imaginary patters onto Jeremiah’s torso.
“Matt…” Jeremiah threads his fingers through Matt’s sweaty hair, kissing Matt’s head lightly.
“Mmbaby. I love you,” says Matt, his breath ghosting over Jeremiah’s chest, making him shiver. Matt nuzzles his face into Jeremiah’s chest, breathing in his scent and licking his skin playfully.
Jeremiah laughs, twirling Matt’s hair around his fingers, “love you, too, Matty.”
Damien sighs, wrapping his shirt around his bloody arm. Fuck, why can’t I get over you, Matty… He winces, the pain shooting up through his arm as the alcohol seeps through his shirt and into his wounds. Pulling the shirt off, he pours more of the vodka onto his arm, feeling the familiar pressure of tears behind his eyes. Damien lifts his arm up to his mouth, licking the blood and vodka mixture from his wounds and the little streams that are cascading down his arm.
He gasps, grabbing a clean towel on the floor beside him and wipes his face; letting his mouth hang slack, the tears collecting in a pool in his mouth. I miss you so fucking much,
but this won’t help you come back, Matty.
I think I need you more than ever, you bastard.
I’m so fucking sorry for everything I’ve ever done.
I fucking love you.
I wish I could take it all back.
I wish I never hurt you the way I did.
God, Matt, why did I have to fuck up so much.
These past two and a half years, I’ve been a walking wreck.
I can hardly function and I’ve lost everything that was close to me.
But losing you hurt the fucking most.
But I don’t care. I just hope you’re happy where you are now.
And I wonder if you think of me from time to time.
I wonder if my image flashes through your mind when you come, Matt.
I wonder if you ever think of me while fucking Jeremiah, if you’re still with him.
Ha, no, you were always a bottom, so he’d fuck you.
God, fuck, Matt, I love you so fucking much…
Damien takes the box cutter and bends down on his hardwood floor, squinting in the dim light. He sighs and starts to write,
‘To whomever finds me:
Tell Matt that I love him, and only him.
Tell him to laugh hysterically when he finds out I’m gone.
Tell him how much it hurts me to think of what I’ve done to him.
Tell Matt that I love him so fucking much.
Tell him I regret every fucking thing I’ve ever said to make him hurt and scared.
If anyone cares enough and writes an obituary for me, don’t put that I was kind and caring, or a hard worker, or someone who always helped out. Tell them about the real me. Tell them: I abused my boyfriend of four years who was the only thing worth any ounce of importance to me. Tell them that I was a heartless bastard who couldn’t make sense of his life. Tell them I was too insecure so I had to take it out on Matt.
Tell them that I regret everything I’ve ever done to him.
Tell them I was good to Matt the first two years, but then I got scared that he would leave me, so I put fear into his head. I shouldn’t have done that. I would’ve been happier if he had just left me. Ask him if he remembers those two years. Ask him if he remembers me holding him in my arms and telling him it was okay as he watched his cousin – the one who made him figure out he was gay – die next to him.
Ask Matt if he wishes he had never met me.
But please tell Matt to hate me more than he already does.’
Damien takes in a deep breath and exhales slowly, watching the metal glint in the light of his house. Maybe when I’m gone you can live in peace knowing I won’t try to hurt you anymore… He reaches up to the stereo, changing the CD to track six – I’ll Be Your Lover, Too by Van Morrison.
“This is for you, Matty, it’s all for you…”
Damien sighs, scratching the skin before digging deeper, watching his skin split open and the
hemoglobin flow steadily from the cuts. He pushes the box cutter deeper, reaching the blue tint of vein in his arm. He shakes his head and laughs, slicing lightly before a larger stream of blood comes flowing out.
“Fucking all for you, Matthew David fucking Lovato…”
He moves further up on his arm, slicing faster than previously. He smiles, this isn’t working fast enough…
Pouring pills out of a bottle into his palm, he picks up his half empty vodka bottle, swallowing the pills at once and finishing the bottle, wincing at the burning sensation in his throat.
“Won’t be long now, Matty, it won’t be long…”
Damien looks at the clock resting peacefully on the coffee table beside him and the bloody mess, frowning at the clock and seeing it had been only two hours since he had started drinking. He shakes his head, wondering when the fatal concoction of his blood draining out, the alcohol and pills will kick and finally kill him.
How to fucking pass the time…
He scrawls Matt’s phone number – well, the one before he left Damien, but he still hoped it was the same one – on the hard wood floor, soaking up some blood with his t-shirt and towel to try and make the number stand out more.
Jeremiah smiles, wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist and kissing his neck lightly, “morning, Matt.”
Matt grins and turns around in Jeremiah’s arms, kissing him quickly and pulling away to push his hands under Jeremiah’s shirt, running his fingers over Jeremiah’s ribcage and hip bones. “Your body feels so much better than my scarred one, Jerry,” Matt sighs and leans down to lick across Jeremiah’s chest.
Matt rolls his eyes and turns back around to the island in the middle of the kitchen, leaning against it as he flips through the Sunday paper. Jeremiah wraps his arms around Matt’s middle, resting his head on his shoulder and reading over Matt, blowing into his ear every so often.
Matt pauses at the obituaries, the name ‘Damien’ catching his eye. He pushes Jeremiah off of him and looks closer at the picture and description. “Oh, god, Jere…” Matt gasps, his breath catching in his throat, “Damien…”
“What, baby?” Jeremiah stands beside Matt, his face contorting into a frown as he reads ‘DAMIEN HARPOR 1975-2007…’ Jeremiah gapes, touching Matt’s hand lightly when he hears him sniff and take in a ragged breath.
“Oh, god…” Matt turns to Jeremiah, crying and burying his face in Jeremiah’s chest. Jeremiah sighs and wraps his arms around Matt’s middle, his head resting on top of Matt’s as Matt soaks the front of Jeremiah’s shirt. “Oh, god, I did this, I fucking did this to him…”
“No, Matty, no you didn’t, you didn’t do anything bad. You did what you thought was right, and you had no idea this would happen… so you can’t say it’s your fault, baby…”
“Yes I did, Jere. I was everything he had, and he told me this over and over. He had nothing else. His parents died when he was little and he was constantly in foster homes… he had a fucked up life, Jere. For the first time since he was ten, I had made him happy when we met when we were 21. He said he’d die without me. I didn’t really believe him because, you know, you can’t die without someone… I guess…”
Matt hugs Jeremiah, kissing him on the forehead and Matt cries, gripping the front of Jeremiah’s shirt. “You didn’t do anything wrong, baby, don’t think that…” Jeremiah sighs, hugging Matt tighter and trailing his hands up and down Matt’s spine. Jeremiah mumbles ‘you can die of a broken heart’ and strokes Matt’s hair, breathing softly and resting his head on Matt’s shoulder.
The phone rings and Matt groans, touching his lips to Jeremiah’s before pulling away and answering the phone.
“This is Damien’s – um… former – best friend.”
“When I found him on the floor of his house, he had scratched this number, along with your name and what he wanted someone to tell you, on his floor with a box cutter or something equally sharp…”
“What… What did Di want to tell me?”
“He wanted you to know that he shouldn’t have done what he did to you. And he’s sorry and he’s regretted everything he’s ever done since you left him. The floor also said to ask you if you remembered when he held you as you watched your cousin die…”
“I… oh… why? Why did he say all of that?”
“Do you remember?”
“It also said for you to hate him even more than you did before… now you know that he’s gone… He said he was insecure and afraid that you’d leave him and that’s why he did what he did to you, Matt. He said you were the only one he’s ever truly cared about and you were the only one to make him smile like he did when you two were together.”
“I… this… it’s all my fault, isn’t it? I shouldn’t have done this to him… I feel so fucking horrible…”
“It isn’t your fault, don’t think that. It also said that it hurt so much when he thought about everything he had ever done to you. And he regrets everything.”
“At the bottom of the note he had scratched out onto his floor, he drew a heart and put your name in it…”
“Fuck.” Matt sighs and shakes his head, blinking back tears. Jeremiah wraps his arms around Matt’s waist, pulling him into a tight embrace.
“I… just wanted to let you know… what it said for the person who found him to do.”
“Oh, thank you…”
Neither of them speak for a minute and Matt closes his eyes, leaning back against Jeremiah.
“Do you miss him?”
“What? Oh. No. Yes. I miss him, yes, but I don’t miss what he did to me. I miss the days when he would hold me when we sat under the big Oak in the park and we’d talk about nothing, or we’d talking about everything and say so little. I miss it when he’d be so soft and gentle with me because I was so inexperienced… I feel so bad…”
“Um, Matt, I have to go… I guess… this is the last time I talk to you.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Goodbye.”
Matt hangs up, turning around in Jeremiah’s arms, face buried in Jeremiah’s chest. Jeremiah’s eyes get wet and he blinks back the tears, but to no avail. Jeremiah kisses the top of Matt’s head, wrapping his arms around Matt’s middle even tighter and rocking side to side to try and calm Matt down.
“It’s all my fucking fault, Jere, it really is, and you know it.”
Matt tilts his head up, staring at Jeremiah’s brown eyes. He sighs and closes his eyes, touching his lips to Jeremiah’s before wrapping his arms around Jeremiah’s waist, pulling him closer – if that was even possible – and holding on tightly.
“Matty, he was a fucker, anyway. He didn’t deserve you…” Jeremiah kisses Matt’s cheek, slipping the tips of fingers under the fabric-encased elastic of Matt’s boxers. Matt squirms against Jeremiah as his fingers slip lower, his hips rubbing against Jeremiah’s bonier ones.
“He needed me, he really did… and look what I’ve done…”
“No. No, Matty, you couldn’t have…” Jeremiah tells him, “You didn’t know this would happen. Just… fuck, just please, Matty, don’t blame this on yourself.”
“Jere, I don’t really care…” Matt says, brushing his fingers down the side of Jeremiah’s cheek. Jeremiah opens his eyes, giving Matt a questioning look. Matt smiles, “what I mean is that I don’t care too much that he’s gone,” he pauses, closing his eyes and running his thumb over Jeremiah’s bottom lip. “It’s just kind of upsetting knowing that someone you’ve cared about for six years is… dead.”
Haha. It just... ends. Haha.